Today, I ate a weird sandwich on a dare, and now I’m going to write about it. See? It’s not all politics around here.

I expressed an interest in this horrifying sandwich, tweeted out by @jessepstein a/k/a Sandwich Lady:

The combination sounded gross, but weirder things have been done in food. I volunteered to try it and assembled the ingredients.

No one else in my household wished to join me in the adventure, so I reduced the recipe. The peanut butter, mayonnaise, and diced pickles combined for a mixture that had the appearance and consistency of cat vomit. (I don’t know what “boiled salad dressing” is, so mayo was the default option.)

I still may have made too much. The mixture was inconsistently runny and the lettuce did little to contain it. It was a gloppy mess.

The taste was not as instantly offensive as I’d guessed it would be. It helped, I suppose, that they’re all ingredients I like, if not necessarily in combination. The filling was slippery and rich, with the peanut butter being by far the dominant flavor. There were also hints of sourness and tanginess from the pickles and mayo that crept in occasionally.

I had a hard time telling if I liked it or not. The peanut-mayo wasn’t instantly repulsive, but after a few bites, it became too unctuous. Once I found myself preferring the bites that had more lettuce than anything, I knew I was done. This was bad.

The verdict: don’t do this. If you’re living through the Great Depression, as the recipe’s author was, I suppose the PB&P will do in a pinch, but in 21st-century America, stick to ham and cheese. ✮✩✩✩✩